The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove

by Christopher Moore. (1999) Published by Perennial. 304 pages.

Up to page 81; reviewed 1 June 2008.

Tokyo gets Godzilla; the rural California community of Pine Cove gets The Sea Beast, a five-thousand-year-old reptilian monster with a liberal libido who has no qualms about mounting the first gas truck he happens upon, believing it to be a coy, silver-skinned temptress. This is my first exposure to Christopher Moore, and what impresses me is not just that he’s funny, but that the humor doesn’t ever get in the way of the storytelling. Moore’s sense of comedy is closely related to Gary Larson and his Far Side cartoon, which seemed to be always drawing on the natural world for comedy; as a storyteller, he’s a lot like Stephen King: his world is populated by misfit eccentrics who are just real enough to be interesting but contemptibly twisted enough that we don’t mind too much when they get killed off in the most bizarre ways. Thankfully, Moore doesn’t seem to want to make the story drag on endlessly the way Stephen King likes to.
I especially like the way that Moore weaves in themes of sadness and chemical dependence: the hero of the book, constable Theo Crowe, is hopelessly addicted to marijuana; the people of his community are all unknowingly suffering withdrawal symptoms because their psychiatrist has replaced their antidepressants with sugar pills; and The Sea Beast brings with him an arsenal of disinhibiting pheromones that appear capable of drawing people into the worst kind of Midsummer Night’s Nightmare. And all of it’s rounded off by Catfish the Bluesman, whose story about trying to give the blues to his friend Smiley is one of the best things I’ve read in ages.

28 June; p 81 to end.

For a while, I was put off by the nasty and offhanded way Christopher Moore had some of his characters get killed off in this book (especially Les the handyman). I tend not to like stories that come from the philosophical perspective that most people are just trash. Of course, a lot of people might argue that it’s going too far to suggest that someone like Moore, whose titles include Bloodsucking Fiends (A Love Story). The Stupidest Angel (A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror) and Island of the Sequined Love Nun is “writing from” any sort of philosophical perspective whatsoever.
I’d counter that the author’s philosophy plays a huge role in even the dumbest of books; it’s responsible for the aftertaste we take away from reading, for the fact that even a brutal and tragic tale can leave us feeling stronger and wiser whereas an overly sentimental story can leave us feeling not only sickened but downright misanthropic.
By the end of the book, I thought Moore’s philosophy is not so much that people are trash as that we’re all just animals, all subject to the stresses and carnage of the natural world, and any attempt to place ourselves as a species of as individuals above this level is a feat of embarrassing pomposity. This is why one of my favorite characters in the book was Skinner, the dog, who always thinks of his “master,” Gabe, as “The Food Guy.” I think Moore would agree with me that Skinner is probably the smartest character in the book, and that all the other, human characters, would benefit a lot from giving up their obsessions with status, money, fulfillment and fame. It would be much more sensible to be concerned primarily with the joy of a bowl of kibbles, a friendly scratch behind the ears and an afternoon nap.
So it’s with a firmly biological perspective, driven by pheromones and predatory urges that Christopher Moore turns out a plot that seems somehow naturally absurd, a world in which there’s nothing more logical than a pharmacist’s hidden lust for sex with dolphins and manatees or a session of sexual intercourse between a schizophrenic B-movie actress and a giant sea lizard aided by a weed whacker. The book never gets bogged down in circumspection, but as I reader I could tell that Moore really did take the time to do some homework about themes as diverse as psychopharmacology, reptilian life and the manufacture of crack cocaine. I even learned a few things, like what a “gill tree” is. I got to appreciate the way a really clever author can stack his own deck of cards so that at the end of the book it feels like events really are unfolding faster than you’re able to take them in.
There are some weak points; the group of cultists drawn to worship the giant sea monster in the nude never really seem to have a lot to do, and the community of Pine Cove, though given lots of hormonal incentive, never really erupts into the sort of orgy of misbehavior worthy of Moore’s talent. Still, this was a really fun book to read.