Top Headline: World Still Reels After Unexpected Death of Karl Malden, Dubbed "King of Televised Travelers' Check Ads."

Related headlines:

• Will Autopsies Reveal Pepto-Bismol Abuse was a Factor in Malden’s Death?
• Thousands of Mourners in London Chant: “Karl, Don’t Leave Home Without Us!”
• “I’ll Always Feel Karl’s Hand on my Shoulder” An Emotional Retrospective by Reese Witherspoon
• In Later Years, Malden’s Collagen Lip Injections and Accusations of Chia Pet Abuse Overshadowed Artistic Achievements
• Critics Agree: Malden’s Early Work with the Malden Five Helped Define How we Think About Traveler’s Check Advertisements
• A True Look Inside Never-Leave-Home-Without-It-Land
• Custody Battle Over Malden Chia Pet Collection Likely to Ensue
• “We Were All Shocked.” An Exclusive Interview with Germaine Malden
• “Why The Mainstream Media Wants You to Focus on the Death of Karl Malden Instead of the Shocking History of CIA Involvement in the Politics of Uruguay” An Emotional Retrospective by Noam Chomsky
• Why Was Malden Never Comfortable With His Natural Lips? Malden’s Cosmetologist Offers a New Perspective
• “Ten Most Sexually Explicit Jokes About Karl Malden and Chia Pets” An Emotional Retrospective by Tom Brokaw
• “He Paved the Way for Celebrities who Endorsed Traveler’s Checks.” An Emotional Retrospective by Drew Carey
• The Twenty Five Malden American Express Ads that You MUST see on YouTube
• “I’ll Always Feel Karl’s Hand on My Shoulder” An Emotional Retrospective by Ted Nugent
• The Ten Malden American Express Ads That You MUST Buy on iTunes
• “Too Soon to Say Good Bye?” An Emotional Retrospective by George Will
• “Malden and African American Popular Culture: Would There Have Been a Connection had Malden Been African American?” An Emotional Retrospective by Quincy Jones
• The Ten Karl Malden Commemorative Plates that you MUST Purchase By Dialing 1-900-BYE-KARL (And If You Act in the Next Five Minutes, We’ll Include this Free Set of Karl Malden Cheese Knives Plus the Karl Malden Chia Bust Made From Authentic Albanian Marbelite™ Immition Marble at No Extra Cost!)
• “Has Karl Malden’s Memory Been Over-Commericalised?” An Investigative Report by the staff of Yoga Journal
• “ExTEND Ur Love-Life Guaranteed: Generic.Viagra.Cialis.Cheap!” A blogosphere exclusive by aSexyRussianHookerGirl@spamnet.edu
• “He Was A Cultural Bridge Builder. He Shall Be Missed.” An Emotional Retrospective by Mahmud Ahmadinejad
• “Might Media Overexposure Detract from Malden’s True Human Legacy?” An Emotional Retrospective by Donnie Osmond
• “Dialectics and Dialogues: Deconstructing the Brechtian/Marxian Subtext of Karl Malden’s Neo-Post-Commercialist Period” An Emotional Retrospective by People Magazine.